I received my Dad’s ashes a couple of weeks ago. I’m thankful to have them in my possession now. So I’ve started to casually look at the costs of going down to the Florida Keys, where he wanted to be spread. I am thankful to have one loose end taken care of and I hope to have more closure when we take this trip. I’ll share more about that as it comes about. I am thankful he picked somewhere beautiful and tropical.
I just continue to find myself grasping for something when it comes to missing Dad. I am missing him more than ever now, which I suppose is natural. My cousin and uncle sent several pics of my Dad from Christmas Day. I am so thankful for these are the last photos taken of Dad.
Pics of my Uncle Guy showing my Dad the pet hedgehog.
This one bring tears to my eyes as I can see how he’s trying to smile, but has lost most of the muscles in his face that help round out his smile.
I have a story about these last 3 pics…Last week I had gotten a text from my brother saying he had a weird request, which was for me to take a picture of the “scattering urn” that Dad’s ashes were in. I of course told him I would take a pic when I got home from work. So that evening I went to bedroom, opened up my armoire where I’m keeping the box that holds the urn. Scattering urn is quite a fancy name for a black plastic box. I kind of laughed as I took pictures of the sticker on the outside of the urn. I decided to open the box to see exactly what was inside. I opened it and saw the plastic bag that holds my Dad’s ashes.
I took pictures of it and texted them to my brother. It reminded me that I needed to send the pics that I had gotten from my cousin to him and my step brother. Just as I was sending him a text to tell him about the pics I had, I got 3 emails from my Uncle Guy with these 3 pictures attached. It was just the craziest thing. Really, it wasn’t crazy. It was God.
Of course, seeing this pic labeled as “Last photo” and really just seeing more new pics of Dad brings tears to my eyes and gives the weirdest feeling. I’m not even sure I can put it into words.
This weekend I dreamed that my Dad was alive and you know how sometimes when you dream, it seems so real. Well, this was that kind of dream. I don’t even really remember what happened in the dream. I think Dad and I and maybe some others were just hanging out at my Uncle Guy’s house. Then, in the dream as I was sitting there and it came through my head that Guy would be the one to tell me that my Dad had died. That’s why I think I started to wake up and realize he had already died and this was just a @#$@%@# dream! I woke up fully and just cried my eyes out. It hurt so bad.
Today when I flipped my calendar on my desk this was what I saw…
Two great quotes as well as a Bible verse about death. Good to remember.
I haven’t lost a parent yet, but I can imagine it is a long road.