By | May 3, 2008

Ok, so many of you probably know that life has been rocky for me and well, the commitment that I made almost 11 years ago nearly came crumbling down in front of me. So much of it was my fault and mainly because I was not able to communicate and express what was bothering me. I guess like the counselor I saw said, I am the “textbook unhappy wife”. I won’t get into any details, but I’ve learned a lot in the last nearly 8 months or so. I learned that holding things in doesn’t help anyone, doesn’t do anyone any favors. Marriage is a lot of work, but it’s a 2 way road and you both have to do your part. You can’t do it all yourself and you can’t expect your spouse to do it all! No, I’m not saying it’s always 50/50. When your spouse can only give 30, you give 70 and vise-versa. It’s really the only way it will work.

In so many ways I think I gave too much of me at the wrong times. I’m not putting myself on a pedestal here at all. It was actually very stupid of me to do this, because I began to resent Rob. My opinion of his love for me started to diminish. Thinking that since he didn’t help around the house or help me when I hinted that I needed it, he must not really love me the way I wanted to be loved. He and I have hashed out all of this so when he reads this he should know exactly what I’m talking about. We now have a list of chores, where we’re sharing the chores and other duties as a family. Spreading out what needs to be done among the four family members, so that Mom doesn’t feel so overwhelmed and stressed. I couldn’t have asked for a more understanding husband through all this. So many times I think about people I know who have gone through similar situations and I would have had the door slammed in my face a thousand times over. Rob has shown me how much he really loves me and wants me in his life and because of all this I think our love is a million times stronger. I think we can make this last forever, like the vows we stated. It’s just sad it took a serious breakdown for me to realize that.

So knowing all this my opinion of marriage is that it:
– is great
– is difficult
– is sweet
– is rough
– hurts
– feels good
– takes a lot of work from BOTH people
– is well worth it

I could go on and on. I know that when my little sister is ready to take the leap, I’m going to have some serious suggestions and I really hope she takes them to heart. I know when Rob and I got married we were invincible and nothing was going to tear us apart. I saw marriage as something that was just going to be great and would not only take care of itself, but it would also help solve some other issues I had.

This is my response to What Moms Really Think About Marriage by Discovering Dad. {blog has now been removed}

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