I really hate when life and all it’s problems start to get to me. When I get that feeling that I swallowed a 10 lb. dumbbell, my fingers start to ache, and nervousness rushes through me from my head down to my toes. It’s just not a good feeling. I can handle a lot, but it seems like circumstances, many of which are not in my control, just keep getting shoveled on top of me one after another. Just when I think I can push my way through it all and get back on my feet, one more heaping pile is added and I’m thrown back down on my back again only to have to dig my way back through hoping to make it out this time. All of this sucks the joy right out of me. Now these things could be worse, I realize this, but I was just sitting here thinking. I love this time of year, or at least I used to.
Last fall, after living it up on the family cruise at the beginning of September and then coming back to a huge water leak, a house with little furry inhabitants, then dealing with incompetent insurance adjustors and contractors, the joy was sucked out of me. Before I knew it it was Thanksgiving and I had had no time to enjoy my favorite time of year. Or maybe it’s because I hadn’t taken time to try to enjoy myself. I just have a hard time with that. When I have worries, my mind has a difficult time putting those away for awhile and resting. I find that even in my sleep my problems creep back in in one way or another. Either through nightmares, or waking up only to realize whatever it is is weighing so heavily that my mind wasn’t really resting as I laid there sleeping. Dang it! If I don’t hurry up, I’m going to find myself in a similar situation as I did last year.
But, really after rereading the paragraphs above, I think my #1 problem is that no where in that paragraph did I mention God. My relationship with God is stronger in this stage of my life than ever, but again letting life circumstances take over. Going to God through prayer, through worship, through bible study and devotional. I’ve been doing it. Maybe I haven’t prayed enough, or prayed about the right things. I know I haven’t prayed specifically for Him to take care of these little issues that sometimes feel like I’ve got a 2 ton elephant sitting on me. Maybe, as selfish as it seems, that I should pray for Him to work His ways so that my joy is not sucked out of me. That I can be that happy person, who greets people with a smile and a friendly hello. Or for my family that I’m not yelling at them and taking my frustrations out on people who surely don’t deserve it.
I feel like I all I’ve done here is rambled and that’s ok. Not even sure I wrapped up what I was trying to say…Who knows. It’s my blog and I can ramble as much as I want to, right? But I would love to know, how do you deal with having the joy sucked out of you? Or can you even relate to this?